Do NOT let this happen to you!

Subject: An addict's story

An addict's story

It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then -- to
loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to
another, and soon I was more than just a social
thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I
told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and
finally I was thinking all the time. That was when
things began to sour at home.

One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my
wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's. I began to think on the
job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could
read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the
office dizzied and confused, asking,
"What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen,
I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't
stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find
another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home
early after my conversation with the boss.

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want
a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You
think as much as college professors, and college
professors don't make any money, so if you keep on
thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but
I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped
out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some
Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with
NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass
doors...

They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was
looking out for me that night. Leaning on the
unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra,
a poster caught my eye.

"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from
the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is
why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we
watch a non-educational video; last week it was
"Porky's."

Then we share experiences about how we avoided
thinking since the last meeting. I still have
my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as
I stopped thinking. I believe the road to
recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.