A little humor for those, like myself, who need it

For those of you who haven't heard, the bankruptcy bill passed, which means it is going to be even harder on middle and lower income Americans than ever before. I know Friday is normally Cat Blogging day, but I need a little humor *now*, so here you go. I hope you enjoy:

The following are purported to be actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Reports):

* Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
* Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
* A room temperature IQ.
* Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
* A prime candidate for natural deselection.
* Bright as Alaska in December.
* Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
* So dense, light bends around him.
* If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
* If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
* Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
* Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

British Military Officer Fitness Reports

The British Military writes OFRs (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's S206 reports: His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddl e. This officer remindes me very much of gyroscope -- always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere. This young lady has delusions of adequacy. This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. He has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age. This officer should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.